Please practice safe text...

You've all seen the campaigns and Public Service Announcements educating the less-than-intelligent masses of why you should not text and operate a vehicle at the same time. Well, apparently, texting is not one of those things that you should do while doing ANYTHING else...unless of course you are an ADD master. I am of the opposite camp. I can make a mean PB&J, sign the fieldtrip form, write a check, pour cereal, braid hair and help with 1st grade math all while chatting on the phone to my fellow blogger. But as I found out in a recent attempt while trying to push a shopping cart AND text, I should stick to one task or the other. Let's just say that the 17 year old "Loss Prevention" official in the backroom of the local Target keeps rewinding the security tape of some unnamed mother trying to text, steer her cart full of a preschooler and other miscellaneous items. I ( I mean "she") efficiently texted my husband "wgat elde do we neerd at trgt" right before I took out a display of water bottles. My preschooler was none too happy when a majority of them fell on her, but I told her if she stopped crying, I would buy her some of them (which I probably was morally obligated to do anyway under the whole "you break it, you buy it" rule of thumb). Lesson learned, or so I thought. I also was trying to walk down the stairs while texting my mom. She was golfing and it was cold out so I told her "try to stay warm HO". Now, I do not normally call my mom a "ho". But, if you are spending more mental energy trying not to fall down the stairs, it is easy to see why I hit "shift" instead of "symbol" and unintentionally referred to my mom as a stupid slut that can't keep her legs closed instead of the ":)" smiley guy that I had intended. Oops. My bad. Also, do not end a text with REGARDS if you are not paying attention....because the "G" is very close to the "T" and that can end up "RETARDS" and send very bad vibes and mean juju. Thank goodness I proof-read that one before sending. I shared some of these multi-media tips with a good friend of mine. She said that she learned her lesson too after a night of being up with the stomach flu. One of her friends texted her to see why she was not at the latest book club, and she said "I couldn't make it. I was up all night getting dick.....yuck." Her friend was shocked, and texted her back right away putting that text in the "too much info" category. My friend, the nasty texter, was mortified when she re-read the original. I laughed, but with an understanding nod, told her that I can see how it can happen. That pesky "s" is so close to the "d". Good thing she wasn't out "buying food for the fuck by the pond". We need to start practicing safe text....and not only when operating a vehicle at 65 MPH. But also when pushing the shopping cart, walking down stairs, operating the washing machine, eating a meatball sub and listening to the sermon at church (totally kidding on that last one God). Send us your texting faux pas....not only because it makes us feel less inept, but we think you guys are funny too!




Kindest Retards-



Anne and Carrie