Parents need to be good sports too...

This week's unplanned topic is about the birds and the bees....the great miracle of reproduction. As I was at my son's hockey game last night, I was quickly reminded how some people should actually be banned from reproducing. In my relatively short experience as a I parent, I have always marveled at the thought that you need to apply for a fishing or hunting license. You need to take special classes to own a gun or drive a car. But any average idiot can become a parent. I was sitting among this wiley bunch of screaming adults, and was shocked and embarrassed. These adults were cheering on their 7 year old skaters with the passion of an NHL fanatic. I didn't check, but I don't think any of them had the big foam fingers or body paint. But with the same lack of social grace, these "adults" were heckling the opposing team (MY team). Yes....a team of 7 year olds. Grown adults (apparently with the I.Qs of a wet washcloth) pounding on the glass when their skaters lost the puck, laughing when our kindergarten goalie was scored upon repeatedly. All I could think (besides the repercussions of me gliding down the bleachers ninja-style and throwing some elbows to the temples in rapid succession) was how sad and utterly disgusted I was that these neanderthals were leaving their genetic mark on the world.

And the apple does not fall far from the tree. These little demon spawn were fist-pumping, chest bumping fools upon scoring, tripping or stealing. After the slaughter, I picked up my little Droopy Dog in the locker room. He was bummed. And I can understand, because it sucks to lose. I don't care how old or young you are it is hard to get your ass handed to you. But I assured my guy that I was proud of him that he worked hard, did a great job and if he had fun and learned something, that is all that matters (and the fact that we both made it safely through the lobby and dark parking lot) He said that WINNING is fun. He is right. It is. I am 30-something and I still hate losing, although it is my mind and car keys that I am losing these days. But I get it. And I was angry too after the game, not because of the outcome, but because of the road to it. And fellow hockey parents...PLEASE....it is not just hockey. I am a multi-sport parent and the crazies are out in full-force. They yell, scream, email the coach with complaints, etc. They are hard to miss. They think their kids are the best, and the parents yell the loudest, just in case you didn't know it. Here is a newsflash people: Your kid is not that good. Your passion is not absorbed by your child through the mere volume of your voice. They actually wish you would shut your cake hole. So does everyone else. Unless you brought the post-game snacks and juice boxes, everyone just actually wishes you would just wait in your car until after the game. And for the love of all that is good and holy, don't honk your horn as a show of support/frustration. Sports are for kids to have fun and learn some valuable social skills, not for their parents to live their dashed out dreams vicariously through the children. Your overzealous enthusiasm will not get your elementary superstar a full-ride to Notre Dame. Ain't gonna happen. And chances are, the more you keep acting like a blithering village idiot, the more likely they are going to quit and join the Chess team. And I can only guess that cheering is frowned upon at those events. So will the parents of a child in any organized activity heed this unsolicited advice:

-You're excited and THINK you're being encouraging. We get it. Now shut the hell up.

-If you know so much about the game, why are you on THIS side of the fence? Again, shut the hell up.

-For the love of GOD, do not put down the other team or opposing fans. No one EVER looks cool trash-talking a 3-foot 3rd baseman.

-And most importantly, kids live by example. It is just as important to be a good winner as it is to be a good loser...and the world is full of losers. So if you feel like laughing and congratulating your forward for knocking down the opposing defenseman who is half his size, please take a deep breath and put your head back up your ass where it belongs.

So go sell "crazy" someplace else, but not at your kids' extra-curricular events