"Here is your ticket lady"
I stared down at him...his empty little hand held out to me as if he was holding something. I said nothing. Apparently this was my cue to take the nothing that was being offered to me.
"MOM! HERE. IS. YOUR. TICKET"
"Oh! Ok, my ticket for what?"
He rolled his eyes as if that was the dumbest question he had heard all day. He audibly sighed.
"For the SHOW. My room. 5 minutes."
He walked away before I could inquire what the show was about. Oh sweet Jesus. A show, written, directed, starring, and produced by one of my children. Awesome. At least this time I was getting off lucky...with a complimentary ticket. My slightly more entrepeneurial 8 year old typically charges for such events. I trudged my way upstairs, anxious to see what he had in store for me.
Apparently today's production was involving Larry the Cucumber and his nemesis, General Pickle. I spent the next 17 minutes basically watching him play, yet his "narration" and humming/theme song qualified it as a "show". I had to sit attentively with his stuffed animals in my lap (whom I was told, were NOT allowed to talk) and listen while he went on and on and on about the General (aka: Trio blocks), his troops (aka: legos) and their quest to rid the world of Larry the Cucumber (also made of Trio blocks)
He would narrate "TROOPS! Listen up! Larry the Cucumber is our target, he must be eliminated by Tuesday" then the humming would start up again (a combination of the Star Wars theme song and various Veggie Tales tunes) and I would watch as legos and Trio blocks were banged into each other and went flying across the room. Then inspiration would strike and he'd stop mid song, "Wait, I have an idea" he'd spend several minutes rearranging the troops and then start over (this happened no fewer than a dozen times) "TROOPS! Attention! We will blow him up using these" (various lego pieces were then strategically scattered amongst other lego pieces). Now, keep in mind I was still sitting on his bed. Any strategic suggestions I offered were met with an upraised eyebrow and a roll of the eyes. Apparently I'm not schooled in vegetable warfare. I took dramatic, thoughtful pauses as my chance to end the show. I would clap enthusiastically and compliment my son on a show well done. Bad idea. Not only would I get yelled at, he'd start over....AGAIN.
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE that my kids have incredibly active imaginations and can self-entertain with the best of them. I love playing WITH my kids (even if half the time I do it wrong). But when I'm expected to sit idly by basically watching them play by themselves when they decided to turn this afternoon's playtime into a production...not my idea of fun. I was not allowed to talk, I was not allowed to make his animals/other audience members talk, ideas were NOT welcome, clapping was most certainly not allowed, and the ending time of the show was clearly NOT up to me. He continued on happily with his destruction of Larry the Cucumber with me sitting as a silent observer until he decided he had had enough of me. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but perhaps asking if there was a concession stand at which to buy snacks was NOT the thing to say. But if I had been able to enjoy a beer it would have been a lot more fun to watch Larry go down.