A letter to my husband

To the love of my life...

In light of the recent celebration of St. Valentine's Day, I have taken pause to reflect on our relationship and all that it has come to mean to me. The many ways in which we have grown together, both individually and as a couple, never cease to amaze and delight me. And although our love seems to grow stronger and more intense with each passing day, there are more emotions than just love and affection that are bursting from within me.

As you wake from your peaceful slumber each morning, nothing pleases me more than to be woken by the snooze button being beaten into submission multiple times. Lying in bed trying desperately to get a few more minutes of sleep is just plain silly, as clearly I should be offering my assistance in whatever it is that you are searching for that has you slamming cabinets and drawers in the bathroom. And it was so very thoughtful of you to leave the door open so that the bright light from the bathroom spills into our bedroom...after all, I may want to catch up on a few chapters of my latest novel while you start your day...and God knows that the open bathroom door only enhanced the joy I felt when you coughed, hacked and spewed the contents of your lungs into the sink (I will enjoy tackling that later too, when armed with mask, gloves and gallons of bleach) When I stumble my way downstairs, I greatly appreciate the opportunity to make coffee for us, and I feel so needed as I hand-wash the four travel mugs that you just got out of your car. I don't remember pouring you grey fuzz yesterday, so it only tells me these science projects should have been retrieved from your car floor earlier...so my heartfelt apologies for making you drive around whilst they clanged about the floor. And I'm so appreciative that you always think to sprinkle sugar all over the counterops when preparing your coffee, as it's so efficient for ME to just use that if I should happen to be baking the cookies that you requested. And please don't worry if you take all of the coffee, I'll just make another pot. Don't you worry yourself about using the last of the coffee beans, I have no problems with dragging 3 children into Starbucks to buy more coffee(along with three small hot chocolates and blueberry scones that they insist on having but never eat...only crumble efficiently into a pile on the floor of my car) Since you have a busy day ahead of you don't bother yourself with putting your breakfast dishes into the dishwasher, the spot you leave them in on the counter is just fine. I am filled with love as I mop up milk that sloshed out of your cereal bowl, much in the same way I have to do it when cleaning up after our toddler; it makes me smile to see how much our children are like you. My dear, sweet love, you are so very welcome for packing a lunch for you each day, and don't worry, I have plenty of other Tupperware to use so the stash that is slowly building up in your car is really no problem. Washing them later may make for a fun science experiment for the kids, I love how you're always finding new opportunities to teach them! And if you accidentally leave some at work, no worries! I will just go pluck a fresh batch from the Tupperware tree in the back yard (it is in the same grove as the "stamp" tree...right next to my "sanity" shrub)

Throughout the day, many things remind me of you and make me want to punch you in the baby maker smile. As I cheerfully sort laundry for what seems like the 17th time today, I chuckle as I come across what seems to be the 114th pair of bunched up, sweaty, dirty socks. SO very silly that you still take them off inside out; don't you know by now that doing that makes me want to gag you with them while you sleep? As I complete my other tasks, I feel so very priveleged that you work so hard so that I can stay home to clean your shit ,I mean, home that you lovingly provide for me. I find joy in every tshirt or pair of boxers I pick up off the floor yet again, since you do work so hard I can't possibly expect you to wear yourself out by taking them to the laundry room, which is a mere 12 steps away from where you dumped them on the floor. And even though it confuses me that you dofted said underwear on our floor and then walk in all of your naked glory and wonderment to the laundry room, I am sure one day I will become wise to your ways and leave my ignorance behind. And as much as I would like for you to quit your icky little habit of chewing tobacco, the bottles that you use as "spitters" left on our nightstand really do add a certain flair to our bedroom. I've always considered myself a good decorator but it wasn't until I saw that you kept leaving those f-ing Coors Light bottles on the dresser that I realized you were subtly trying to get ME to see how drab and boring our decor was without them there! I consider it your contribution to the spa-like feng shui I was attempting to create. Your own "hillbilly bouquet". LOVE IT! My favorite is when the kids get into it too and bring them to me, as if to say "This didn't look quite right on the nightstand or next to the computer...let's try it somewhere else." I am giddy with joy as I recount those moments.

Every pair of shoes that you own scattered throughout the damn house? Not a nuisance that I trip over. I should be thankful that I have 9 toes left after kicking your "made of f@&#ing cement" size 11s. It just reminds me that the shelf we had custom built in our walk-in closet (no no, not the laundry room where you keep most of your clothes) leaves more space for my shoes. Thank you for thinking of me.

The serenity of our master bedroom fills me with love, and our spacious master bathroom area....ahhh the peaceful tranquility encompasses me as I walk over to your sink and HOLY FRIGGING MOTHER OF MARY! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!! AHHHH HOLY HELL!!! WHAT THE FU.....Oh my...excuse my outburst for a moment while I pry my heart off of the ceiling. It is only the residual hair you mistakenly left behind after shaving. I thought a squirrel or other poor woodland creature died in your sink. But when I looked over at the toilet, I saw your three feet of toilet paper floating in there in your attempts to clean up the mess. And I agree, 10% is good enough. After all, I am home. Allow me.

Again darling, as I walk throughout our beautiful home that you so generously provide, I can't but thank you enough for your little tokens and reminders that you leave behind so that during the course of my otherwise painfully boring and mundane day I can be reminded how grateful I am that you merely exist. I live but to serve, and I serve so that I can live. You have enabled and empowered me to become all that I can be just by the simple act of reorganizing the pile of junk mail you stacked on the counter - torn envelopes and all. Or when I hang your coat in the closet that you walked PAST so that you could hang it on the back of the kitchen chair...again my joy is abundant. And my heart is brimming when for the 800th time that week, I put away the toaster, sweep up bread crumbs the size of my head, put the toilet seat down, and take the empty milk carton out of the fridge (no glass on the counter????Hmm. Not a conundrum...you were thinking of me when you drank right from the carton)

In closing, my feelings for you are so strong, so intense that I can't help but look at our wedding picture and my eyes fill with tears. And I think "I am bound to you for life...." Take that in whatever manner you see fit.

All of my love and affection~


redfraggle37 said...
February 17, 2010 at 10:20 AM

see my comment from yesterday...


Pixie & Pirates Custom Cakes said...
February 17, 2010 at 11:14 AM

OMG!!!!!! Can i print this and give it my husband? LOL!!!! I love the comment about the chew... i truly love it when my toddler used to bring me his gross spit cups and manage to slop it all over my carpet and hardwood in the process! You girls are great!

nonsomnus said...
February 22, 2010 at 12:05 AM

OMG, I am laughing so hard I cannot see through my tears!

Amy Lee said...
February 22, 2010 at 11:48 AM

This is friggin' great! I swear we all married the same guy! LOL

Maria said...
February 22, 2010 at 5:36 PM

I love this post!! I could truly print this and hand it off to my husband as it sounds like it was written just for him. I guess all men are alike, no? :) Really great blog, you girls have such funny stories to tell!

Jeri said...
July 5, 2010 at 1:17 AM

Wow, we must be married to the same wonderful man! Except for the tobacco part, I could have written this. Amazing how guys everywhere are so similar. Thank goodness i only have one child, a 7 month old plus the husband. I don't know how I would make it with more, I'm lazy and barely do any housework as it is!

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