I quit...

Ironic that this post comes on the heels of discussing the importance of the jobs that we all hold as moms...but we know you've all been there, done that too...

Ok, I have had it, so I quit my job. I mean, I get it, I am a stay at home mom, but I quit. I am so tired of playing referee, cook, chauffuer, maid, maid, maid, doctor, laundress supreme, plaything, homework helper, etc, etc, maid, maid, maid all without any appreciation or show of respect. The only thing that might make me consider changing my mind would be if my family walked up and presented me with a big fat paycheck...and the comma better be in the right place. I invite you to join me for a minute and see precisely WHY I give up.

Welcome to my home...your first stop is my lovely, spacious mudroom; specifically designed to house shoes, boots, hats, mittens, etc all neatly in one spot. You'd never know by looking at it though...I clean the mudroom, they tromp in with snow, salt, sand on their boots (which please keep in mind that they walked RIGHT PAST the oversized shoe rack I had installed in the garage) and dump them. The neatly hung hooks for their coats go unused, and the backpacks go on the floor next to said boots, because the bench that was made specifically for the damn backpacks is full of their coats and snowpants that they refuse to put on aforementioned hooks. I hope they are dry in the morning (and of course they will be because before I go to bed, I am the one to clean it all up).

Onto my bathrooms; I have 4 lovely ones available for your use. Please ignore the empty toilet paper rolls still hanging on the holder. OH WAIT! Someone was considerate enough to leave a full roll resting right on top of the empty one for you, how sweet. Please just step over the towels on the floor from the morning showers...oops! don't trip on the jammies! Should you feel the need to brush your teeth just go ahead and scrape some of the fossilized toothpaste that is crusted to the basin. The drawer where we keep toothbrushes and toothpaste look markedly similar. The toilets? Let's just say there are boys in this house. 'Nuff said.

Come on down to the kitchen (watch out for the legos, Barbies, and socks that didn't quite make it back upstairs as they were supposed to!) Breakfast, lunch and dinner dishes get cleared (only with prompting) only to be put onto the counter DIRECTLY ABOVE THE FRIGGING DISHWASHER. Can I offer you something to drink? Looks like we've got about a teaspoon of orange juice left, would you like some milk? There's at least a 1/8 cup left in this carton. Apple juice? Nevermind, someone just thought it'd be a good idea to keep the empty bottle cold. I would offer you a snack but I am a bit afraid to open the pantry, you see the organizational system I put into place was clearly not working for my family. After all, WHY would it make sense to keep all of the snack foods together? It makes things so much more efficient when the breakfast cereals are kept next to the cream of mushroom soup and the snacks for lunches are perfectly placed right near the baking goods. Duh. Why didn't I think of doing it that way? I mean, everytime I go for the pretzels I think "man, these would be great with some cornstarch on the side" Well whaddya know? There it is right NEXT to the pretzels, how convenient!

Back upstairs are our bedrooms and the laundry room. Oh yes, it's SO convenienct having the laundry room upstairs. Would you like to see our bedrooms? Mine houses the only bed that gets made. I guess it makes me feel like I have SOME SORT of household control...and of course I make it 99% of the time. That other 1% it gets begrudgingly made by my husband who totally disagrees with making the bed when you are only going to get back into it later that day (that might be the whole philosophical problem with the mayhem that I like to refer to as my home....my children seem to have inherited this unattractive trait). No, no my kids aren't still in bed, those are just blankets and pillows that you see there. And possibly dirty clothes and some clean ones as well. The laundry room has a very neatly placed shelving system (set into place by yours truly) but it is overflowing with the clothes that the kids dig out of their laundry baskets, because why would they bring them to their rooms when they have this BIG room to get clean clothes from? Again, DUH. I guess the laundry room is my whole family's walk-in closet. My husband apparently now has two walk-in closets. See? I told you it was convenient having the laundry room upstairs! Whatever, I'd invite you down to see our newly finished basement but I believe we were recently robbed and ransacked and the evil villains were only interested in the toy room...OH THE TOY ROOM. I won't even go in there anymore. I'm not sure what the crooks were looking for but they found it necessary to upend every container and dump out each game that we own. We hope that the police catch them soon.

Please, it is not like I have not tried . OH BOY HAVE I TRIED. Remember the Groundhog's Day Post?? I try everyday...several times a day I gently and sometimes not so gently remind them "Please throw towels and dirty clothes in the laundry, put your dishes in the dishwasher, boots are on the shelf where they belong, clean out the sink when you are done brushing, hang your coat on the hook,. blah blah blah...." I have had their hearing checked. I know it works. My favorite is when I ask nicely for something to be done, and then....nothing. No movement. No brain function, no body function. Then I ask with a little more authority. Still, nothing...then I YELL my request in their general direction. And they go "Geez. You didn't have to yell." YES I DID BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T LISTENING TO MY NICE VOICE!!! I have tried to explain that even though I am a stay at home mom, my job is NOT to pick up after you when you are clearly able....God bless us. I am not the slack-picker-upper for the slackers that I live with. I have no problem vacuuming, doing laundry, unloading the dishwasher, but I will not clean objects not found in nature out of a sink that I never use. I have tried the job chart, the family "time to shape up" meeting, etc. I've gotten mad, sad, and even took the "whatever" approach. But now I quit. I just plain quit. We'll see how they like it....God help me if they don't even notice.