I'm getting old. That is all. I'm getting old. Not orthopedic shoes, blue hair, and lack of bladder control...wait, that last one has kicked in a bit sooner than I would have liked. No, old in regards to: music is becoming too loud, a total lack of manners is aggravating, I correct other people when they are speaking (thanks for that, mom!), I am a stickler for proper grammar and spelling, and I outwardly cringe everytime I see a kid walk by with pants down to his knees...literally, down to his knees. Does he realize he looks like a damn penguin? I often find myself hoping he'll fall. I digress...I'm getting old. This realization slapped me upside the head today during a series of text messages between myself and my babysitter.
First of all, she's been having issues with her phone so I'm left with no other option than to text her via her boyfriend's phone. So I send off a simple text message asking if she's available Friday night. This is what I receive back:
"Hay, thisiz her bf herez her home numba, shez there now so u can call her there"
WTF?????? It took me a good 5 minutes to figure out what the hell any of that meant. I literally sat there and just scowled at my phone in concentration trying to decipher the I'm-younger-and-cooler-than-you code that had just appeared before me. Once I gleaned the necessary information, I called my sitter and assumed all was well. As I'm fixing dinner another text comes in:
"Hey its me :). Just letn u kno im gona b w troy the next few dayz so if u need 2 get in tuch w me u dnt hav 2call arnd"
Oh sweet Lord, what the hell??? Sorry, my blackberry didn't come with a secret decoder ring so I don't know what the f*ck any of that just meant. I muddled my way through that one like a dyslexic kindergartener. Ok, she's going to be with her boyfriend. Got it. I made the mistake of sending back a simple message thanking her for letting me know and that I would be in touch to confirm the time for Friday night.
"Ok. Gret...Im gna hav my neiece fri whil my sis is @ wrk iz it ok w u if she cumz w me? i kno shed luv 2 pla w the kidz n i can totaly handle it iv watched way more kidz @ once!"
Holy shit, even my PHONE started acting up with that one. I'm not sure I ever figured that one out, I got tired with "gna hav" and gave up. Hopefully she didn't just cancel on me. Ok, so although I think I've become quite proficient in terms of technology I will NEVER figure out some of the current "tech trends". For example, when did the use of the vowel become entirely unnecessary? They're actually quite useful, not to mention helpful when trying to decipher unfamiliar words that make up the English language. There are only 5 of them after all, really doesn't take a WHOLE lot of effort to throw one in it's correct place in a word. And I have a phone. I see them. I know they are on there. Just sayin'. Which leads me to my next point. Punctuation. Didn't anyone learn about apostrophes, periods, commas and the like in elementary school? A run-on sentence is about as painful to read as War and Peace (not that I'd know, it's just a big damn book hence: PAINFUL). I just don't understand why it's SO very, very taxing to drop in punctuation where it belongs. Are they really saving THAT much time by eliminating these things that make the English language understandable????? It would take me 45 f-ing minutes to think that shit through before I could type it out. It hurts my brain just LOOKING at that shit, let alone even considering using "text speak" like that.
It's everywhere, and I still don't get it. I never will. Facebook, emails, online message boards, text messages. im not shur ill eva git y riting lik thiz savs sooooo much mor tim n nrg. Shit, I seriously think I may have a small brain hemorrage after that one. So don't feel bad if you don't receive a text from me that looks like this:
HEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!! waz up wez goin 2 mcds latr cum hang w us
Or if my next Facebook status doesn't look like this:
ToDaY iZ gOiNg To Be SoOoOoOoOoO aWeSoMe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or if I never send you an email that looks like four paragraphs but is really one big ass sentence.
*I'll spare you the demonstration of this one, just thinking about it makes my head hurt*
I've just resigned myself to the fact that this is their version of dotting their i's with little hearts a-la the 80's, or folding notes to be passed in exotic origami shapes (do kids even pass notes anymore?) So yep, I'm old. And to be honest, as long as people turn their music down just a bit, use proper grammar when speaking to me, throw out a please every now and then, learn how to spell, and pull up their damn pants...I'm ok with being old. I'll suck it up and do my best to comprehend weird text speak but that doesn't mean I'll reply in kind. But will someone please let me know if my babysitter cancelled on me?