ill neva undrstnd it...

I'm getting old. That is all. I'm getting old. Not orthopedic shoes, blue hair, and lack of bladder control...wait, that last one has kicked in a bit sooner than I would have liked. No, old in regards to: music is becoming too loud, a total lack of manners is aggravating, I correct other people when they are speaking (thanks for that, mom!), I am a stickler for proper grammar and spelling, and I outwardly cringe everytime I see a kid walk by with pants down to his knees...literally, down to his knees. Does he realize he looks like a damn penguin? I often find myself hoping he'll fall. I digress...I'm getting old. This realization slapped me upside the head today during a series of text messages between myself and my babysitter.

First of all, she's been having issues with her phone so I'm left with no other option than to text her via her boyfriend's phone. So I send off a simple text message asking if she's available Friday night. This is what I receive back:

"Hay, thisiz her bf herez her home numba, shez there now so u can call her there"

WTF?????? It took me a good 5 minutes to figure out what the hell any of that meant. I literally sat there and just scowled at my phone in concentration trying to decipher the I'm-younger-and-cooler-than-you code that had just appeared before me. Once I gleaned the necessary information, I called my sitter and assumed all was well. As I'm fixing dinner another text comes in:

"Hey its me :). Just letn u kno im gona b w troy the next few dayz so if u need 2 get in tuch w me u dnt hav 2call arnd"

Oh sweet Lord, what the hell??? Sorry, my blackberry didn't come with a secret decoder ring so I don't know what the f*ck any of that just meant. I muddled my way through that one like a dyslexic kindergartener. Ok, she's going to be with her boyfriend. Got it. I made the mistake of sending back a simple message thanking her for letting me know and that I would be in touch to confirm the time for Friday night.

"Ok. Gret...Im gna hav my neiece fri whil my sis is @ wrk iz it ok w u if she cumz w me? i kno shed luv 2 pla w the kidz n i can totaly handle it iv watched way more kidz @ once!"

Holy shit, even my PHONE started acting up with that one. I'm not sure I ever figured that one out, I got tired with "gna hav" and gave up. Hopefully she didn't just cancel on me. Ok, so although I think I've become quite proficient in terms of technology I will NEVER figure out some of the current "tech trends". For example, when did the use of the vowel become entirely unnecessary? They're actually quite useful, not to mention helpful when trying to decipher unfamiliar words that make up the English language. There are only 5 of them after all, really doesn't take a WHOLE lot of effort to throw one in it's correct place in a word. And I have a phone. I see them. I know they are on there. Just sayin'. Which leads me to my next point. Punctuation. Didn't anyone learn about apostrophes, periods, commas and the like in elementary school? A run-on sentence is about as painful to read as War and Peace (not that I'd know, it's just a big damn book hence: PAINFUL). I just don't understand why it's SO very, very taxing to drop in punctuation where it belongs. Are they really saving THAT much time by eliminating these things that make the English language understandable????? It would take me 45 f-ing minutes to think that shit through before I could type it out. It hurts my brain just LOOKING at that shit, let alone even considering using "text speak" like that.

It's everywhere, and I still don't get it. I never will. Facebook, emails, online message boards, text messages. im not shur ill eva git y riting lik thiz savs sooooo much mor tim n nrg. Shit, I seriously think I may have a small brain hemorrage after that one. So don't feel bad if you don't receive a text from me that looks like this:

HEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!! waz up wez goin 2 mcds latr cum hang w us

Or if my next Facebook status doesn't look like this:

ToDaY iZ gOiNg To Be SoOoOoOoOoO aWeSoMe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or if I never send you an email that looks like four paragraphs but is really one big ass sentence.

*I'll spare you the demonstration of this one, just thinking about it makes my head hurt*

I've just resigned myself to the fact that this is their version of dotting their i's with little hearts a-la the 80's, or folding notes to be passed in exotic origami shapes (do kids even pass notes anymore?) So yep, I'm old. And to be honest, as long as people turn their music down just a bit, use proper grammar when speaking to me, throw out a please every now and then, learn how to spell, and pull up their damn pants...I'm ok with being old. I'll suck it up and do my best to comprehend weird text speak but that doesn't mean I'll reply in kind. But will someone please let me know if my babysitter cancelled on me?


Lauren said...
February 24, 2010 at 8:30 AM

Hilarious, as usual.
On a slightly different, but related topic, I often deal with teenage email addresses collected at high schools. You should be sent in to smack all the dumbasses who have ridiculous ones. A few examples:

I think you get the picture. I wonder if they are "smart" enough to use those types of email addresses on college applications? hmmm....

Kathryn said...
February 24, 2010 at 9:09 AM

I realized I'm old the other day when I turned off the radio in the car when "3" by Britney Spears came on. It's bad enough my 3-year-old sings along with the Rah-Rah-Ah-Ah-Ah part of the Lady Gaga song, I won't have her breaking into as song about a threesome in front of my mother. (Of course I remember how lame my mother was for having a similar reaction to "Papa Don't Preach")

And P.S. If I see one more "Z" used in place of an "S", as in "boyz" or "waz", I will lose it completely. Expect a nuclear explosion from Near North Minneapolis any day now.

Rebecca said...
February 24, 2010 at 9:36 AM

ITA w/ pp, a "z" instead of an "s" in Is = IZ??? Really? Why is that necessary to change? And funny what Lauren said... Once we had a temp who decided it was appropriate to download IM on someone's computer, sign herself in (bigbootymama23) and never signed out when she left... Imagine the surprise of the computer's rightful owner the next day and the messages she received from BigBootyMama's friends... freaking crazy people.

Anonymous said...
February 24, 2010 at 10:17 AM

First time commenting, though I've been following your blog for a couple of weeks now! I have to wait until I'm the only one in the office so that I don't have to explain my fits of laughter.

I just wanted to comment in regards to the absence of vowels. While I haven't adopted this practice in sending text messages, I did take a course in "Super Write" in college. It's an alphabetical form of shorthand. In words with a short vowel sound, you actually drop the vowel. Including the vowel in a word written in Super Write indicates that it makes a long sound.

I would be interested in knowing if those who developed Super Write were involved in developing "text speak."

redfraggle37 said...
February 24, 2010 at 10:49 AM

your sitter didn't cancel, she just is bringing more kids so your good ;). IDK how I know how to read sitter does the same thing so maybe I got used to it? I know i'm too old when I want to go to bed between 9 and 10pm. It seems absurdly early,but is just awesome, mmmmm sleep.

Debbe said...
February 24, 2010 at 3:07 PM

Missing vowels, numbers in place of portions of words. No wonder today's kids can't spell.

Dandilion320 said...
February 24, 2010 at 5:05 PM

I have a touch screen cell and I am often typing the wrong letters in texts to my sitter. Eventually I just went to umm email. Yup don't dare pick UP the phone I am typing on to call, but send an email instead. I think she thought I was crazy for

on the topic of peeves of getting hard is it to say THANK YOU when someone holds the door for you? Yes I worked at TGI Fridays as a hostess (more commonly known to those that had the job as SPG- Smiling People Greeter) but I got PAID to do that. I don't however get paid to hold the door open for you while my son goes running out, only for you to take your sweetA$$ time getting through the doors to just walk on by like you are entitled to doors automatically opening all over the I just look at them stunned and yell...U R WELCOME!!!

Ashley said...
February 24, 2010 at 5:53 PM

I just want to say I understand. I am only 22 with a 4 month old, but I feel really old compared to my younger sister. My text messages look like small emails where the ones she sends me are maybe a total of ten words in each. I am slowly realizing that I can understand it much better and have found that I will even text back like that once in a while to only get a reply of, U R 2 OLDZ HOW U KNO HOWS 2 TXT LUVZ U ;-)

Which then ends up in me not saying anything back for awhile.

As for the boys that wear their pants to their butts. I think that is so stupid haven't any of them heard of belts. Maybe if they didn't buy them three sizes to big their pants would fit better.

Thanks for the blog it helps make the days go by better. No one really says that being a mommy is tough just that it is very rewarding.
Thanks again for being real about motherhood and how even through it is rewarding that there are days.

Sarah said...
February 24, 2010 at 6:09 PM

The pants - GRRRRR the pants!!! Who decided that looked cool? And for the love of chocolate, WHY?!?!?

The texting - I'll admit, I'm a slow texter. It's almost painful. But I can not bring myself to type text speak. So, even though it takes me 3 times as long, I'll spell out words. I might not get punctuation entirely right, but spelling is one of my pet peeves.

Amy Lee said...
February 24, 2010 at 10:46 PM

LMFAO! I agreed with everything you said until you got to the text messages. I was able to read every one of them with no problems. Either I'm a genius or just not a old as I thought...haha....

I do agree with grammar and spelling. O.K. my grammar isn't 100%, but it drives me NUTS when people spell the easiest and most obvious words wrong.

Meg said...
February 25, 2010 at 3:22 PM

quiet/quite, their/they're, your/you're - some of the worst offenders in emails for me - DRIVES ME INSANE!!!

and yes, replacing the "s" with a "z"!???? what does that help? nothing.

obviously I'm a fan of ignoring capitalization, but punctuation on a phone is seriously irritating 'cause it's a whole other screen, so I understand that, but it does make things hard to read. :)

I think the best indication for me that I'm getting old is wanting to go to bed at around 9, not caring to drink or go "out" or anything, even when we have a great opportunity (like our recent vacation sans bebe) - I think we were in our jammies by 10 every night hahahaha :)

jenn said...
February 25, 2010 at 8:30 PM

The pants thing, by the way, actually began from the fashionable world of prison.. no joke. Inmates aren't allowed belts.

What was done said...
March 10, 2010 at 3:35 PM

Getting old is only in our mind.
Age never prevented people from doing things:

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