I'm too old for this...

I did something stupid this past weekend: I tried to relive my college days. It was a great idea at the time. But I hated myself after...and even into today...perhaps tomorrow as well. My husband and I made a road trip to an alumni hockey game. The kids went to the grandparents for the weekend. I was giddy with excitement about having some time with my husband, a weekend without kids, and bonding time with some of the siblings and old friends. But here is the bottom line; I am old. I am an old mom of three kids. I should have realized this early on and just thrown in the towel; I was screwed before the weekend even started. We got to my sisters house late Friday night. By late I mean 10pm. That is when I am usually only half conscious in bed next to my husband while he watches the news. But this weekend I was excited to see two of my sisters, one brother, sister in law and brothers in law....this mere list right here should tip you off that the sleeping surfaces would be ...sketchy at best. My sister has a great house with lots of room, but we are a lot of people. My family always is. But anyway, before we vied for valuable beds and blankets, the girls stayed up chatting and doing really important things like looking up our "Urban" names online and planning the next day's schedule for the tailgate.The boys (I use that term quite on purpose because they were having an XBOX tournament that included a lot of yelling, bodily noises and they only came downstairs to get more food and beverages). We finally went to bed at midnight. And I did not feel old that night, because Fridays are hard...even the youngest of us was wiped out and looking, well, like hell. The next day started at 7. Not because I was gung-ho to start tailgating, but because I lack the skill to actually sleep in anymore. I am usually up at 6, so I guess that 7 is sleeping in. Good for me. I would later be glad that I was so well rested (not).

After downing what seemed like an entire pot of coffee while enduring a play-by-play of last night's tournament (because apparently they all forgot that the others were ALL THERE WITH THEM...yet they needed to relive every single moment) we started getting ready for the tailgate. As I was putting on every item of long-underwear type clothing that I own, then holding my breath for 5 minutes while I tried to wrestle my way into denim (not a very forgiving fabric when you are wearing an extra 6 inches of thermal) I realized that "Shit, I have to pee." Isn't that what I always tell my kids before donning snow gear?? Oh well. Better here than out in the cold with strangers; I don't do porta-potties, I'd rather wet myself. By the time I was ready,I looked like I had gained 42 pounds and I was sweating my ass off. But function over fashion. I was going to be warm. The youngest of us looked adorable with a hooded sweatshirt, uggs and a vest; I was channeling my inner Stay-Puft Marshmallow man while she looked as if she had just stepped from the pages of "Ski Bunny Monthly"...bitch. Yes, we were going to the exact same place but I looked like I was making a quick stop to Siberia first. I had to adjust the seatbelt when we got into the car to account for my added girth. But I was warm outside. Actually, first I was freezing because I had been sweating my ass off in the car the whole way down, so by the time we got there and I stepped into cold air, the sweat crystalized and froze, and dammit, I had to go to the bathroom again. I was not going to use the portables, so I walked three blocks to McDonalds. They had real toilet paper and hand sanitizers....and heat. The day was super fun, but I kept being reminded of my age....I was the only one out there with a purse for example (which I realized quickly and ditched it under a table) But where else would you keep your wallet, camera, lip gloss, kleenex, extra gloves, hand sanitizer, hat, and dry socks (you never know)? But the purse came in handy as I started to carry everyone else's stuff (just like a mom). Please remember that I am a smart, responsible person, but if any pictures of me show up in facebook dancing with strangers in a parking lot, pretending to attack the opposing schools' mascot...or, say....posing behind an unsuspecting gentleman in the Men's bathroom of McDonalds while he is actively using the urinal, I plead the 5th. Here is where I am old again....at one point I looked at my phone (no watches here) to realize that it was only 8:30. I said out loud, it is only 8 F#$*ING 30!! At that point, I had lost about 6 of my layers of clothing....which don't be picturing some trampy mid-thirty woman cavorting around the bar dancing on table-tops. When I say that, I still had on a long-sleeve shirt, fleece jacket and all of my long underwear because trust me, I had to call for the Jaws of Life to get the jeans off. I was a little vindicated in feeling like a fossil at this point because neither of my sisters or sister in law, who are younger, looked much better than I did and they were losing steam also. So we girls headed back home and the guys made it at some point by the grace of a kind stranger...I think. I was in bed by then; but pretty sure I never actually slept...slumber parties are for kids, not grown-ups. I don't do sleep-overs. I don't sleep well in places other than my own bed. I don't enjoy spending the evening mustering up my "flight or fight" reflexes whilst being suffocated under the crushing weight of my beloved on what can only be loosely described as an air mattress.

It goes without saying that it was a weekend well spent, but I really, truly am too old for this shit. It is today that the age is showing. Again, not because of alcohol, but the culmination of everything...plus I came back to three kids that were very excited to see me for about 11 seconds and were fighting over who was going to tell me a story first (turned out no one won, all three were talking at excessive volumes all at the same time) and then the whining that they had been saving for me all weekend kicked in. I was reminded several times in many different circumstances why I don't do that very often. It was a great weekend, but it was even better to be in my own bed in pajamas by 8pm last night. But I still can't figure out whose stuff all of this is in my purse....


Meg said...
February 8, 2010 at 12:42 PM

My hubby & I went out to dinner on Sat. night without the baby, and I was pretty much ready to go home before 8! hehehehe :)

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