Don't "sweat" it...at least not often...

Ok, so I fully admitted via Facebook one day last week that I was unshowered and SO greasy that the water was probably going to repel from my hair...and it did.  I should have taken one poster's suggestion of using Dawn dishwashing liquid because after all "it takes grease out of your way".  Duh...I should listen next time.  It took about 6 rounds of "lather, rinse, repeat" to get myself looking somewhat human again.  Whatever it takes, right?  Many of you told me that you had been in the same boat...which makes ANY mom feel better to know that other moms had been there, done that.

But here's the thing...the homeless woman, greasy, non-showering, unpleasantness is NOT a regular occurrence.  Spending the day in sweats does not happen on a consistent basis.  I do not make it a habit to schlub around in my scrubbiest clothes multiple days out of the week.  Simply put, I do NOT try to look like shit semi-weekly.  Yet many moms do.  Scratch that.  I shouldn't say they TRY to look like shit.  We all wake up looking like shit.  No one wakes up pretty.  If you think you do, you're full of yourself and delusional and we're probably not friends in real life because you suck for thinking that highly of yourself.  It's the women who MAINTAIN the overall shittiness day in an day out without any effort towards making it go away.  On a regular basis.  More than once a week...or twice or even three times a week.  Shit is just WRONG.

I work from home, as many moms do, therefore this lends itself quite nicely to staying in jammies maybe once a week.  MAYBE once a week.  No need to shower, shave, and get all pretty if I'm not going anywhere but my basement to work with only the two-year-old for company, right?  Even if I AM staying home to work I at least still shower...maybe put pj's back on but whatever, don't judge...But if I am leaving my house you bet your ass I'm in the shower, put on some decent clothes, make-up and am looking relatively decent to go out amongst the public.  I cannot wrap my brain around the moms who go out in public looking like they just rolled out of bed.  Familiar with the concepts of self-respect and self-worth?  Don't you feel better about yourself if you take some time to look even a tiny bit attractive?  I'm not talking Real Housewives of Orange County shit in full make-up and an outfit suited for a night out clubbing.  Hell, you can make yoga pants and a hoodie look good if you TRY. 

Riddle me this...why are some women's kids decked out in head-to-toe matching outfits, shoes, hair accessories, with perfectly styled hair and mom looks like she got dressed in a dark closet after just having pulled what was crammed under her bed and stepped from the nearest wind tunnel?  I just don't get it, I really don't.  I can't tell you how often I read of moms who admit having gone DAYS...multiple DAYS without showering or changing clothes.  Yummy.  I'm a mom too.  I get it.  I get how overwhelming and exhausting it can be and how difficult it can be to even find 3 minutes to take a shit by yourself (and that rarely, if ever, happens) let alone take a shower.  But don't you just feel better about yourself as a woman and a mom if you can find time to take a 2 minute shower and dig out some clean underwear?  Maybe slap on some mascara and some jeans instead of sweats?  Put on a cute shirt instead of digging a grubby sweatshirt out of the hamper that has lunch leftovers smeared across the front or are those boogers?  Hard to tell...but does it really matter?  Shit is just WRONG...

Oprah_makeover_before
photo courtesy of Fussy Pants
Like I said, I've had my days.  We all have.  We have our days when our periods make us feel fat, bloated, and miserable.  A cold has us so run-down that getting dressed is not an option.  Being awake all night nursing a baby makes showering seem like an impossible task.  I GET THAT.  I really do.  I've been that mom that has spent the day smelling like sour milk.  I've been that mom who is so congested from a head cold I'm only grateful that I can't smell myself.  I've been that mom who is so cranky and pms'ing and feels so "fluffy" that sweats are the ONLY FUCKING THING that are going on my body that day.  I've had to schlep the older two to school after they missed the bus wearing ladybug pajama pants, a pink hoodie, my winter coat, Uggs, glasses, and MIGHT have brushed my hair...but I didn't get out of the car, I just slowed down long enough for them to roll free of the back tires.  Anyway...the point being, I GET IT.  I'VE DONE IT.  But we ALL know moms who have way too many days like this far too often and just claim that "there is no time" and they just don't bother.  I feel sorry for them.  I feel sorry for the moms who forgot what it was like to make themselves LOOK and FEEL good.  Not only for themselves but for their spouse.  I do myself up for myself AND my husband.  He doesn't need me to be in a housedress, high heels, fresh lipstick, and pearls everyday when he gets home but shit...I can at least have showered and have on a pair of clean underwear for God's sake...how hard is that?

If someone can PLEASE clue me in to the mystery that is the schlubby, frumpy mom...I would be so appreciative.  Please explain to me the phenomenon that is the mom who does not give a shit the majority of the time.  I've heard the "I'm not vain" or "I don't care what other people think" bullshit before and I'm not buying it.  There is a direct correlation between LOOKING GOOD and FEELING GOOD.  So moms who are having a shitty ass day, sometimes all it takes is a little bit of make-up, a cute outfit, and getting the fuck out of the house...can't hurt, right?  Might even help...ya never know...so please, if you have some insight into the habitual schlumpadinka, do tell...I'm dying to know..

3 comments:

Jen said...
March 7, 2011 at 10:08 AM

I am with you I make it a point to shower every day, that is a goal and to put at least a little makeup on. I could never go out in public looking like I just rolled out of bed.

Anonymous said...
March 7, 2011 at 7:06 PM

I think that they may be trying to get people to feel sorry for them. "Oh, you poor thing. You put so much time and energy into your kids that you can't put yourself together. You are so selfless!"

Tonya said...
July 20, 2011 at 10:34 PM

i was the mom you so deperately are trying to figure out in your post. i had a nearly terminal case of the "i don't give a shit frumpies". i'll tell you, and i am not proud of it, it went on for a couple of months. 98% of it was depression. i don't know how or why, but my kids were always put together and neat and my house was clean and everything taken care of as it should be. everything except me. thanks to an incredible set of events set into motion by a simple, and horrendeously scary event (finding a lump in a boobie and going through surgery totally alone) things fell into place and i was smacked out of my frumpy schlumpy disgusting place and back to reality. i don't get made up every day, but i do get dressed, and showered. even if that means i let the kiddos play in the tub with toys while i scrub down in record time. i used to look at the moms you describe and have some of the same thoughts you mentioned. now, when i see that mom that day after day looks like that, i offer a hug and a smile or some little cheery crochet crap i came up with. some little something to let them know there is light out there. you never know what tiny gesture can set off the chain of events that saves a mommy. sometimes, they even want to talk but are scared to, but a comment that lets them know i have been there done that will usually open the flood gates. i love following your blog and i have laughed and cried and scratched my head in wonder at some of your posts. i felt compelled to share this for some unknown reason. hell, maybe one of those moms you describe will read this and find that little something to set off their chain of events....hugs and keep doing what you're doing! love the honesty and rawness of so many of your posts.

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