What's your "status"?

Ok, so since you all found us on Facebook, we know you frequent it just as much as we do...so we know you'll "get" this post...

I like reading people's status updates just as much as the next person...some of my friends are freaking hilarious, some of my friends say the most entertaining stuff, their kids are awesome, they post cool pictures, links, etc. but I'll be honest when I say that some of my "friends" status updates irritate the hell out of me.  They downright bug the shit out of me.  They literally make me want to crawl through the computer and punch them in the face and tell them to stop talking because nobody cares about what they have to say.  Yep, harsh I know. And for some reason THESE are the people that show up on my "feed" every.fucking.day.  Odds are I'm that person for someone...but hopefully they've taken measures to either delete me or "hide" me and I'm just completely blissfully unaware of it and will remain that way forever as these people will to me so I can talk about them here.  On my blog.  And tell you all why they bug the shit out of me.

I like inspirational quotes or song lyrics every now and then...key phrase...EVERY.NOW.AND.THEN...you don't need to put random Def Leppard song lyrics up every 30 minutes.  I get starting your day with an inspirational quote, that's cool. People appreciate that, gets the day going on a positive note.  But to throw out "I'm hot, sticky sweet...from my head, to my feet YEAH" and then expect people to comment with follow up lyrics???  Lame.  I'm deleting you.

Inside jokes.  They are "inside" for a reason.  Keep them that way.  Post them on your friends walls if you feel the need to broadcast it or send a message.  No one else needs to read about "the antelope and the chicken" which is just going to leave everyone else thinking "what the fuck???" and then saying that under your status...and then you'll be left saying "nevermind, it's just an inside joke"  What are we, 12???  Ok, that's lame and middle school...leave it back in 1989.  Thanks.

The I-must-update-every-second-of-my-life-because-people-are-dying-to-know type status abusers.  These are the folks who, if you were to go to their profile page, will have miles of their own status updates...with no comments (you'd think they'd take the hint)  Thank you for sharing with me that you need a cup of coffee...OH!  Look at that 12 minutes later, apparently the coffee kicked in...good to know that as well.  Really? you think another cup of coffee 47 minutes later is a good idea?  Well, according to your status that's what you're doing and I'm terribly sorry you're out of creamer....and toilet paper.  Fantastic...you're done with coffee and have moved on to the super exciting "I'm on my way to a meeting" portion of your day.  And I'm moving on to my "I'm deleting your painfully boring ass" portion of mine.

I want to be one of those people who can sit on my ass and play Facebook games all day.  I want to do nothing but play Family Feud, feed my Farmville chickens, kick some ass in Mafia Wars, ask for bricks to build my Medieval village, post want ads for my restaurant, and then post about EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.OF.THEM.  Because I want everyone to know how little I have going on in my day.  Seriously.  Can I be you?  I want to be able to broadcast via shitloads of game updates that I have nothing but time on my hands.  I want people to know how unfulfilling my days are.  You may as well just post as your status update "I have no job, no life, no friends, and am still living in my parent's basement...want to get me to the next Family Feud level?"  You're still a virgin too, aren't you?  Yep, kinda figured...

There's nothing like a good "I'm going to kick some Cardio Turbo Fire Rocket X ass" type status update to make one feel more like a fat, slovenly, lazy schlub.  But I don't fucking care.  Yes, I go to the gym (occasionally).  Yes, I work out (every now and then) But I don't feel the need to go on and on and on and on about how LNMOP90SuperX has changed my life and will change yours too...is it a cult or a workout?  Are there subliminal messages streamed throughout?  Am I going to get in shape or end up in a purple Reebok jumpsuit drinking "special" Kool-Aid?  I don't give a shit that you just got up at 4 am rode your bike up the eastern seaboard, came home and ran a half marathon, and now you're going to "rock it with some Turbo Jam Muscle Beat 500" all before I've even rolled my fat ass out of bed.  I don't care, and judging by the lack of "damn, you're amazing!" or "WOW!  can I be just like you???" comments corresponding to your status, nobody else gives a shit either.

I've often wondered if there are word limits on Facebook statuses...but judging by the novels that some type out for other's reading "pleasure" I'm going to go with NO, there aren't.  But sweet Jesus there should be.  The "like" button was created for these status updates.  Because I don't know whether to comment on the trip to grandma's, the sweet ass deal you scored at Kohl's, the new recipe you're trying for dinner, the car trouble, the new book you just read, or how best to potty train your toddler.  Your status update confused me and OOPS!  Delete...

And don't even get me started on horrific spelling and grammatical errors within posts.  Terrible.  I get posting on your phone and mistyping something, been there, done that.  In fact, I just did it yesterday and it bothered me SO badly I contemplated deleting the entire thing.  All because I missed a "t".  Or I've corrected myself underneath the status update by leaving myself a comment, for all those to read behind me so they'd know that I'm not a total moron.  But if you can't even be bothered to figure out the difference between "they're, their, or there" and "too and to" I will just have to delete you so I don't lose IQ points by reading what you think is intelligent and witty.

Like I said, my personal page has probably become the annoyance of several people and I may very well be one of the examples I gave above.  I know I've been guilty of some aspects of each of these, but people comment on my status updates so THERE (picture me sticking my tongue out).  And odds are good I've been deleted or at the very least "hidden"  So be it.  I like that I can tailor a website to my personal tastes and if you do any of the stupid, annoying shit that I've just outlined above...odds are pretty good YOU'VE been deleted or hidden and I only go to your page occasionally to see if you're still annoying the shit out of other people.




Yep, you are...I just checked...

Ok, your turn...what bugs YOU on Facebook?  (and please don't say me...just quietly delete or hide me...)

8 comments:

a.rungee said...
September 28, 2010 at 9:51 AM

What bugs the crap out of me is how people are constantly putting up links to news websites, with posts like you have to read this; He said what? Seriously you are going to post different news things every 30 minutes I can read and if I wanted to figure what was happening in the world or even the state I live in I would look it up myself or turn the TV on.

(sorry if things aren't grammatical correct or if the spelling is off, I lost those functions when I became a mom)

Verity Maddux said...
September 28, 2010 at 11:35 AM

Verity "likes" this :)

Anonymous said...
September 28, 2010 at 11:57 AM

What bugs me about facebook is all of the above plus the odd friend requests I get from people I was in junior high with - and who didn't like me - who are only adding me to have more "friends". Face it, people, if you measure your life by the friends on your facebook, you are LAME! :)

Sneaky kind of Freaky said...
September 28, 2010 at 12:17 PM

What pisses me off? People who act like their pets are their children. I don't need pictures of Coco's birthday party. I don't want to know you're a grandma to puppies. I get it, you love your pets. Me too. I love my cats, but I'm not going to post about it when they have a cute expression or are crabby after they get shots. I guarantee your pets aren't NEARLY as difficult as my VERY EASY 2 year old. Get over yourself. Either you want kids and should either get knocked up or adopt, or you don't. Either way, shut the fuck up.

B said...
September 28, 2010 at 9:44 PM

The arbitrary countdown "10 more days!!!" Until you shut the fuck up. Awesome. Can't wait.
Or the vague ask-me-what-is-really-going-on status' "ow, my foot hurts" 10 minutes later "Ouch". My reply will never be "Holy Shit, what happened?? God, oh God, are you going to be ok??!!" Keep trying you fuck.

redfraggle37 said...
October 4, 2010 at 6:36 PM

while I occasionally express my ADHD on my status (it's gotten better since I got a job). What really irks me is the "friend" I can't delete cause i've known her for 15 years and we have way too many mutual friends. Except she has turned into a freaky, weird tree hugging, yoga, zen, master, and holder of all homeopathic cures and apparently knows EVERYTHING...now I am politically liberal but i'm not a hypocrite and i'm not judgmental...she is driving me CRAZY!!!

Ms Pink said...
October 8, 2010 at 9:33 AM

COMPLAINING about EVERYTHING, people who are always "sick", people who write status updates all the time about how wonderful and sweet and perfect their spouse/kids are. I get it - you love them - now give me a break because we all know that EVERYONE fights, and, quite often, toddlers are NOT PERFECT!!! Ugh

Anonymous said...
October 14, 2010 at 11:55 AM

People who post something along the lines of: "Happy Birthday _______. I can't believe you are already 1 year old! Mommy loves you so much!"

Umm....does your 1 year old seriously have a Facebook account? Can he/she read? WHY are you writing a status as if he or she can ACTUALLY read it!?

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