When did birthdays start sucking?

So it's my birthday next week...and there is part of me that is still shit-myself-excited.  Does that part EVER go away?  That little kid inside who anticipates an upcoming birthday for weeks in advance? Even though I'm a grown up and supposed to pretend that I dread the arrival of each and every birthday?  When did birthdays start sucking?  WHY did birthdays start sucking?

Remember when we were little and our birthdays were like a national holiday?  A day when we were convinced that the world SHOULD in fact revolve completely around us...as we long suspected it did anyway? My son's birthday is just a month before mine and I watched him in the weeks leading up to his big day.  We planned his party, he made his "I want that for my birthday" list, he chose the flavor of cake he wanted, he changed his mind about the "theme" 62 fucking times (don't worry, I'm not bitter about that nor am I upset about the pile of unwanted party favors that I can't find the fucking receipt for...)  And he was genuinely excited about his birthday.  He could not have been more excited about it.  All adults should be like that. 

I know far too many adults who could give two shits about their birthday.  And just as many who act as if they'd rather visit the gynecologist, the dentist, AND wait in line at the DMV all on one day.That makes me sad.  When did we reach a point in our adult lives when birthdays are supposed to suck?  I realize that we have grown up responsibilities and most days feel like a Monday but one's birthday should be a welcome "vacation" from the everyday.  Your birthday should be your chance to be the center of attention (even for those of you who swear you hate that...enjoy the oodles of Facebook greetings, then...no need to talk to anyone)  Your birthday should be used as your excuse for EVERYTHING....don't fold laundry, it can wait until tomorrow...why make your day worse by dealing with everyone's underwear?  Don't cook anything, make someone else do cook or take you out.  Or feel no remorse whatsoever about eating total shit all day long.  You can.  It's your birthday and calories don't count (I'll find the research that backs this up later...just trust me on this one)  Go treat yourself to something new...don't buy ANYTHING for the kids when you go to Target.  Go get a mani or a pedi.  Plop yourself down on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's.  Your birthday should be about YOU.  Stop pretending it sucks.  Birthdays are fucking awesome.  Yep, we're grown ups now and don't typically have blow out parties with bouncy castles, pinatas, and goody bags but we still deserve to have a special day.  Why the hell not?  Getting older doesn't suck THAT bad...I like to think I'm getting better with age (work with me on this one...)

In our 11 years of marriage my husband has been gone for nine of my birthdays.  Yep, nine of them.  And yep, my birthday means that much to me that I've counted.  Shit, I am a middle child...number 3 of 6...when else was it going to be all about me??  October 12th, dammit.  And guess what?  He's going to be gone again this year.  Am I going to mope about acting like someone took a dump in my Cheerios?  Nope.  Why would I do that?  It's my birthday dammit...sure I still have to do the daily tasks that MUST get done (like making lunches, changing diapers, putting the kids on the bus...) but you better believe I'll be squeezing in "it's-my-birthday-and-it's-all-about-me" whereever I can throughout my day.  Want me to pay my mortgage?  Fuck off, it's my birthday, I'll do it tomorrow.  The toilets need to be scrubbed?  Bite me, do it yourself...you pee all over the damn thing anyway.  You want WHAT for dinner??  Too damn bad, you'll be lucky if I bother to feed you...it's MY birthday dammit.  I don't dread getting older (minus the effects of gravity and whatnot...but that's a separate post) and I think that birthdays are something to be celebrated no matter how old you are.  Whether you're 6 or 36 (no, I'm not turning 36...just sounded good...) everyone should KNOW it's your birthday.  They gave us fucking crowns in Kindergarten, why not in our 30's? 

Totally kidding about the crown part...kind of...


K.W. said...
October 6, 2010 at 10:31 AM

Love it!! I'm looking forward to the big 3-0 in a few months. Though everyone around me keeps reminding me of it like I'm dieing, I dont get it. I want a party damn it!

Betty said...
October 6, 2010 at 11:33 AM

I love birthdays so much so that i celebrate mine fo the whole month of NOVEMBER!!!!!hell ya!!!! I also remind my family that they best not forget the 20th because that is the actual b-day!!!!! and please don't forget to bring the meal and the cake!!!! because you guessed it...I AM NOT COOKING....as far as gifts go they can give me one any day of the month!!!


denet14303 said...
October 6, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!! (Even though it's ALWAYS all about me.)(3rd of 6 kids, too)

Maria Delgado said...
October 6, 2010 at 3:36 PM

You totally deserve a crown if u want one!

Happy Birthday next week!

Niki Boesen said...
November 23, 2010 at 10:06 PM

My birthday was November 19th. I have been posting stuff about my birthday for the entire month, and my facebook pic was of me in a hat that looks like a birthday cake. I was a little disconcerted that my 36 birthday candles set off the smoke detector when I blew them out, but it won't stop me from putting 37 on my cake next year! And when May 19th comes around, don't think I won't add the "and a half" to my age when someone asks (and I even celebrate that day...WHY NOT?).


Anonymous said...
December 19, 2010 at 4:12 PM

My birthday started sucking when I turned 15. I had to bake my own cake, and do all the prep work on my own if I wanted a party. No one threw me a party. Then it really sucked on my 20th when no one wished me a Happy Birthday. Not a damn person. I didn't get any presents, or even a cake.
But then I decided I was going to have a birthday. I baked up some cupcakes and sat down with my 12 month old son, and we ate delicious, butter recipe cake cup cakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. Just me and him. He didn't know what the fuck was going on, but he liked the cupcakes.

Ashley said...
January 5, 2011 at 1:02 PM

I love your blog! You keep me laughing. I had something to add about birthdays. I love them too, which is why I was SHOCKED when a woman told me that she never celebrated her two boys birthdays when they were growing up. She told me that it was her day, since she gave birth to them and they should throw a party for her. She said that they are both grown now with their own kids and they still each send her a card on their birthdays. WTF. To each his own, I guess!

Leave a Comment