First of all, I want to give a shout-out to our parents...they are celebrating 39 years of marriage today. Friggin' awesome. You don't see that much anymore and although the sight of my dad grabbing my mom's ass or my mom making out with my dad in the kitchen totally gags me and makes me visibly cringe, I still think it's pretty cool. So here's to you mom and dad...and 39 more :)
Now I know their marriage hasn't been all about shitting rainbows and unicorns. Hell, they got married at age 17 with a baby on the way and I believe the day our oldest brother was born they had $7 to their name. Quite the beginning, huh? But they've come a long way and now they're off on a romantic (gag, barf, choking...) weekend together celebrating marital bliss (just threw up in my mouth a little bit there...) And I had to laugh because it hit me this morning that I am currently on the opposite end of that shitting rainbows and unicorns spectrum right now. I can't imagine 39 more minutes of marriage let alone 39 years.
My beloved has been out of town all week and I will admit there were a few brief moments of missing him and wishing he was home. But now he's home. Oh man is he home. It literally took MINUTES for him to make his mark on the house again to let us all know he was back in his domain. It was like the alpha male pissing all over everything and marking his territory. The contents of his pockets were strewn all over my freshly cleaned kitchen counters...thank you love, for the smattering of pocket lint and the Kodiak chewing tobacco sprinkled all over the kitchen floor. Apparently he was parched and needed a glass of chocolate milk...the only reason I know this is because when I came down to the kitchen this morning (after stumbling over his shoes which were literally at the bottom of the steps) his empty glass was on the kitchen table, the chocolate-y milk covered spoon was STUCK to the kitchen counter and the bottle of Hersheys' syrup was tipped over and left a lovely puddle. A blind, drunk monkey could have managed that glass of chocolate milk better. The neatly organized stack of mail I had left for him apparently was better suited to being scattered all over the kitchen table. Don't worry, I'll get those discarded envelopes honey. I will give him props for bringing his suitcase in though, however it will take a few weeks for the large portion of toenail to grow back, because he parked the damn thing LITERALLY in the middle of our bedroom at the end of our bed. Super fun tripping over that bitch at 3 am. Ooops...did I wake you with my swearing and whimpering? My bad. His bathroom sink has a fresh layer of shaving cream, his mirror now has it's trademark spatters of toothpaste goop, and oh how I missed the sight of a wet, soggy towel dumped on top of his clothes from the night before...in a pile on the floor of course.
Ah sweet marital bliss...I KNOW my mom has been there, done that....just as well as I know I'll get over it and maybe next week I'll like him again. But for now I need to get the Windex back out, Roomba my kitchen floor, and superglue my toenail back together.
Happy Anniversary mom and dad...we love you!!!
About Us
- Anne and Carrie
- We're just 2 sisters/stay-at-home moms who spend far too much time on the phone swapping stories about being a wife and a mom...some painful, some hilarious...at least we know we're not alone!
5 comments:
Love it! My husband is the same every night he comes home. He drops all his things on the kitchen counter...my CLEAN kitchen counter. I have a stack of his mail for him to go thru, but does he EVER look at it. NO. I am right there with u. Oh and our bedroom, is a joke. His clothes are everywhere and it takes him so long to put away his clean laundry...I swear he has more clothes then me.
Do you know my husband??? Other than the Kodiak, this could be my 'beloved!'
Congrats to your parents on their 39 years--that's awesome, and reminds me of mine. My parents were 16 and 19, baby on the way, and probably about $7.00 to their name as well....they just celebrated their 46th (!) this past July. Holy.Shit.
AMEN, Sister! Mine is exactly the same. The only thing I managed to fix was the laundry. If it doesn't go in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. A day or two of his going commando when he ran out of underwear took care of that. Now if only I could figure out how to fix the rest of it.......
LMFAO...Are we married to the same guy??
I totally get these irritating flaws of a man's character. I mean, I live with one too. I've tripped on those slippers in the middle of the night...he especially leaves them sit out when I'm very, very pregnant? I've cleaned dried mud off of my kitchen floor and plunged the toilet FAR too many times.
There is a big pile of clothes on our bedroom floor. MOST of it is clean. The rest is debatable. Folded laundry has taken up the chair AND the coffee table for most of a week now. My daughter has arrived at preschool 15 minutes late more often than she's arrived on time. My "cooking" counter is clean(mostly), but the majority of my vast counter space is covered w/ papers that need filed, toddler clothes that need boxed and put away, last night's dinner dishes...
Hmmm...that's all ME!!! Maybe his crap gets in my way during the day. Maybe the way he leaves coffee splatters to dry on the counter is annoying. Maybe all of my crap makes him feel the same way? Point is, my husband may drive me crazy at times. I know we don't have a perfect marriage, but I love him and respect him for all of his hard work, for supporting our family and for being so committed. Sure, the crap gets annoying, but we all crap...usually at least once a day.
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