And then she sh*t in my hand...

The punch line is always the best part of the joke, right? Well...depends on whose idea of a joke it is!

My husband and I were giving our first baby her first real bath...super exciting, right? We had her yummy lavender soap ready, a soft, fluffy hooded towel, a little washcloth shaped like a duck, and nice, warm water to soothe her. Yeah, not so much. She completely flipped the second her big toe touched the water. We put her all the way in thinking the shock would wear off and she would soon calm down. Yeah, not so much. She got worse...and worse...and worse. We're actually still surprised to this day that neighbors didn't call authorities, for our sweet little angel was making noises that one would think originated in the bowels of hell. Her first bath quickly turned into our first parenting nightmare, my husband was in a panic, I was soaking wet, she was gasping for air she was crying so hard, and I had to attempt to convince my husband that he did not need to call a priest to come and perform an exorcism. We got her out, bundled her up in aforementioned fluffy hooded towel, thinking she would calm down...yeah, not so much. The gasping, growling, and screeching continued...for just a moment; just as quickly as it started, it stopped.

Long enough for her to projectile vomit all over all 3 of us, and then she shit in my hand....

3 comments:

Meg said...
January 26, 2010 at 12:42 PM

oh man, that is awful - and hilarious :)

Leslie said...
May 4, 2010 at 8:53 AM

Well, that'll teach you to give her a bath:) I can't wait to hear some teenager stories from this daughter:)

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