No such thing...

I am a firm believer in "there is no such thing as a stupid question"  If I'm ever asked something that could possibly be considered a stupid question, yes, I may look at you like you have a penis growing out of your forehead but I will comply and answer, even if on the inside I think you're an idiot.  We are taught as children that if we want to learn something or are curious about something, we should ASK someone for enlightenment.  When did that stop being ok?  Can't adults ask questions too?

Case in point...since I'm recently knocked up, I started frequenting a few forums on a well known "baby/mom/pregnancy" oriented website.  Recently a mom there posted that she was not cut out for said forums basically because the other moms were fucking idiots.  She could not BELIEVE that some of us (actually the vast majority of moms who participate on the forum) are so uneducated as to ask such basic questions that could EASILY be found in other sources in which to educate ourselves.  Kind of thinking she has no friends in real life, no one likes her and she has no choice but to resort to books and google because no one talks to her.  So she wanted to make herself sound holier than thou and super smart because she opts to defer to the written word of so-called "experts" instead of discussing the ins and outs of pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood with other moms who have DONE IT BEFORE or are experiencing the same thing at the same time.

Don't know about you all but I like to find people who know what I'm talking about.  Like EXACTLY what I'm talking about...

"should this shit be coming out of my nipples right now?"

" is my stomach this huge because the baby is growing so rapidly or because I have such bad gas I could clear my entire neighborhood in one fart?"

"so hemorroids basically feel like a cluster of grapes coming out of my ass, right?"

Pretty sure I COULD google those things or MAYBE find them in a book, but I like talking to real women who have been there, done that.  I guess the fact that I (and many other moms) like this method of "learning" makes us uneducated shmucks.  Apparently we're all drooling idiots for wanting real time answers and responses to our concerns, no matter how repetitive or ridiculous...

"Should a foot be hanging out of my crotch right now?"

"If I push hard enough to get this stubborn poop out will the baby come out too?"

"What the FUCK!?!?!  Did I just sneeze out of my vajeej???  What is this HUGE snot looking thing??"

All valid questions...some people may read them and wonder, REALLY?  Is she serious?  But for those of us who have been through even one pregnancy knows that SO many fucked up things are going on with your body as you house your little parasite that you NEED to be able to ask someone.  You NEED to know that you are #1: not dying, #2: harming your parasite, or #3: not crazy.  Believe it or not, doctors do NOT know everything and SURPRISE SURPRISE...they've been known to give conflicting information before!  GASP!   For example, it's typically frowned upon to drink during pregnancy...pretty common knowledge.  However, imagine MY shock and oh-so-pleasant surprise when my midwife damn near prescribed a small glass of red wine a night to chill out my super spaz baby, fucking awesome.  I was told I should shy away from body shots and tequila mixers but a small glass of Pinot Noir was ok...score.  And imagine my pleasant surprise to find out (upon asking a seemingly "uneducated dipshit" question on aforementioned forum) that MANY moms have imbibed in a bit of wine during pregnancy.  Didn't find THAT in a book, bitch!

So my point is...there is no such thing as a stupid question ESPECIALLY when you're pregnant.  Get your information where ever you can, from whoever is willing to share (want to get moms talking?  ask about pregnancy, labor, & delivery!)  I'm all about googling too, but sometimes information that one finds on the internet is downright if you have to ASK someone, no matter HOW STUPID you think the question is, ask away!!!  Odds are pretty good that there is another mom (or several) who had the same question!  So you may be doing many a favor by having the balls to ask "is it normal to piss my pants everytime I sneeze?"


Joanne said...
January 11, 2012 at 12:06 AM

Just want to say that I absolutely, positively, LOVE this blog!!
Thanks for always giving me laughs and truth. Keep it coming...and congrats on the pregnancy!!

Nikki said...
January 12, 2012 at 8:34 PM

You make me pee in my pants a little each time I read your posts!!! I'm pregnant with my second right now and have a 2 year old so I can relate to EVERYTHING you write!! Love it!
Thanks you!!!

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